Monday, May 28, 2012


This past Memorial Day got me thinking a little differently than I normally do.

There were thousands upon thousands of people that either died or went missing so we could live a better life.  With much thanks to them, our society has many more advantages and opportunities than most.  It may not seem like it at times, but at any given moment we may have a handful of opportunities following us around as we make our way through the average morning, afternoon and night.  Every so often though, one of those opportunities is something a little different.  It’s a step toward something we yearn for but we’re not quite sure we’d be able to attain.  It’s a slim chance to incorporate something exquisite into our life.  It doesn’t happen often, and many times, we pass it up.  But, why?

I just asked myself that very same question: "Why?"  It made me pause, because honestly, I’m not totally sure.  I’m in my late twenties now, a full-blown grown up.  I stopped having the youthful life ideals long ago – I know being a spaceman or a secret agent are not in the cards for me – as the deck is no longer stacked in my favor.  Taking chances and risking a lot is becoming scarcer by the day and therefore, more valuable.  Soon, these opportunities may stop appearing for me… and for you too.  The dream job may not be within reach next time.  That dream girl may not flash you a smile the next time you look at her – though, I’m a little different in that respect.

There are plenty of men out there like myself who chase after women that are way out of their league.  They go after their ideal mate, despite failing at it numerous times.  Recently, it came to my attention that women wonder why we do it.  I happened to read an article in a woman’s dating magazine about the subject and the columnist’s misguided judgment stated that men do this as a mechanism to avoid commitment.  She believed that the men who always go after the dream girl would much rather have the occasional heartbreak than “run the risk” of being tied down to someone more “average”. 

What a crock of shit.

I Google imaged "crock of shit"... trust me, you'd MUCH rather look at a big-ass picture of Captain Planet.

First of all, that dig about “average” women is complete bull.  If there’s nothing else I’ve learned by watching men and women interact, it’s that every woman is special to someone else.  There is no average woman, and being called one is just plain insulting.  Don’t believe me, guys?  Take to a mirror and count your teeth.  Right now.  Got the number?  Good.  Write it down and put the paper in your pocket.  Ok, now go tell a woman she’s average.  Did you do it?  Good.  Now, grab another mirror and count your teeth again.  Got the number in your head?  Ok, pull the paper out of your pocket.  The numbers in your head and on the paper don’t match up… do they?  Yeah, that’s because she just knocked your front teeth out.  Now let’s move on to the overall message of the author’s article.

My dear, dear friends of the female persuasion, you need to give up on these magazines.  Whenever my curiosity gets the best of me and I snatch one from the rack to peruse, I get more and more convinced that women know less about men than vice versa.  Not once have these published assumptions been right, and many times, they're downright hilarious.  Every word is nothing more than propaganda - sensationalism used as a tool to sell ad space for clothing & exfoliants.  These are not viable sources.  If one needs to know about something, they should seek facts, not speculations.  The best place to find facts?  The source.

The real reason why men like myself always try to get the dream girl is simple:  she’s what we want.  Sure, she’s out of our league… sure it’s a longshot, sure… it probably won’t work out.  But what if it did?  What if the planets aligned, the seas parted, water became wine and she responded the way we hoped?  We see it as something that would be worth all of the pitfalls that were suffered before that moment.  Does it tend to blow up in our faces?  Hell yes.  I probably have one of the worst track records in the tri-state area, but hey.  It’s a risk that I, we, are all willing to take.  That one miracle for us might just make our lives utterly amazing from then on, so why settle for anything less than what you want when there's only one chance at life?

You know, that reminds me of this YOLO crap that’s being thrown around lately.  For those of you who aren't familiar with the term, “YOLO” stands for “You Only Live Once”.  The reason I’m calling it crap is because people aren’t using it as a reason to make their one chance at life the best possible, they're instead using it as just another excuse to take their sixteenth shot of Jose Cuervo or to do something somewhat dumb and certainly trivial. 

“Hey Brandy!  Flash that homeless guy on the sidewalk there!!”

“YOLO!!!  WEEEEOOOOOO!!!”  *Flashes Homeless Guy on the Sidewalk There*

*Homeless Guy on the Sidewalk There unzips his fly and rocks a solo round*

Yeah... you don't want to see that either.  Here's Abraham Lincoln as a Ghostbuster.

Yep.  Way to go there, Brandy.  Leave it to the people that follow and constantly regurgitate moronic catchphrase trends (Winning!) to miss the point of them entirely.  “You only live once” isn’t about having another excuse to do some stupid shit, there are already plenty of reasons to do so.  Just last week, I ran around my yard in a $60 Superman cape, scaring the shit out of the neighbors.  Why did I do it?  Because it’s ok to act like a kid once in a while.  I did, and felt a whole lot better afterward.  “You only live once” on the other hand, originally meant that one should make the best of the time they spend on this Earth, because in all probability, we only get one shot at it.

So what am I saying?  I’m saying that we’re all getting older.  Time is passing by, and pretty soon it’ll run out.  Now is the time to take that chance while it’s still within your grasp.  Tell him or her how you feel, they might feel the same way.  Go for that job you want, you might be exactly what they’re looking for.  Go back to school for something else, you might be on the brink of a new career you’ll love.  Just grow a pair and give it a shot.

Why not start tomorrow?  I’m sure I will.

This has no relevance, it just makes me chuckle.
Now that you know more about me, learn about the things around me: